Saffas need to use their bargaining chips!

The demise of the slapchip is something that we cannot allow. Remember the days of the local cafes - on just about every corner would be an unlimited supply of freshly fried, greasy, sloppy chips drowning in vinegar, topped with a light sprinkling of salt. Mmm. And then along came an enterprising frozen food company and flogged their shitty pieces of iced cardboard to every local take-out joint that would take them - which happened to be almost all of them. And with one foul swoop an entire generation of South African children have been deprived of what really should be South Africa's national dish. We cannot stand idly by and watch these degenerate offerings of MSG-coated cardboard mash our beloved slapchip into oblivion. We must let our tastebuds lead the march against mediocrity. Amandla!

Out Damned Spot!

Elections came and went almost three months ago, and yet the remnants remained in the form of the ever-present black spot on the left thumbnail of voters across the country. While the blotches were initially the cool mark to have, indicating patriotism, they started to get stale when, try as we might, nothing - not even that South African wonder cleaner Jik - could rid us of the blemishes. People avoided giving thumbs-ups. The sales of really dark nail polish and gloves soared. Visitors to the country must have been surprised at the number of mechanics roaming the streets. However, this week a rather unappreciated Liverpudlian came to the rescue of a damsel in distress. William Emery, the inventor of the emery board, is today being heralded for his contribution to the Out Damned Spot campaign, as started by Lady Macbeth in the 1600s. Who would have thought that months of distress could have ended so easily, with an easy to-and-fro motion. Come next election, there will be a revival of the Out Damned Spot campaign, and the handing out of little emery boards - on proof of voting, of course.

Now Brazilians were "robbed"

Oh my, now the Brazilians claim they were also "robbed" at their Confederations Cup hotel. Looks like local prostitutes are cashing in left, right and centre. Viva entrepreneurship, viva! On the other hand, it is starting to smack of exploitation of the South African crime rate. Read the full story here. Read the blog about the Egyptians claiming to be robbed here.