ANC website offers porn, penis enlargements

Now if ever we needed a sign that our government is not getting us down, this has to be it! Among the free services advertised on the ANC's website are free porn and penis enlargement.

Adverts on the party's home page offer the following to web users: free porn, penis enlargement, tarot readings, security system reports, jet charters, some fancy battery and even a dating service.

Perhaps the ruling party should take up some of its own free services. It will save the country millions. As the porn link says "...for uninterrupted pleasure. You do not have to worry about your weekends anymore or plan any expensive weekend activities." Music to any taxpayer's ears.

The testimonials published on the penis enlargement website are quite revealing: "When I looked in the mirror after every shower, I couldn’t help but wonder whether or not I was average. After doing some research online, I realised that I was slightly under-average." Showers? Slightly under-average? This is just way too much information, comrade!

The ANC has proven that it truly is South Africa's national liberation movement.

Financial guru's plush Jozi pad

Oprah's financial guru Suze Orman has splashed out R9-million on her saffalicious Joburg flat. Orman, who is reportedly looking to make South Africa her home base, says she bought in Northcliff for "the same reason I invested in the number one property markets in the United States ... position, position and position."

And what did the Saffa-wannabe have to say about Mzansi?

"I like it here a lot. I see the potential here, and here is where it's at.... Johannesburg is the hub. It is where it is happening."

'I'm here in Botswana, South Africa'

Kim Kardashian, who fancies herself as a bit of a reality TV star, is in South Africa on a trip to visit the charities supported by hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons. It's a pity Ms Kardashian didn't bother to read up on the country before touching down. Yesterday she apparently tweeted "We are here in Botswana, South Africa" but after her followers gave her flak, she corrected herself saying "people thought I though Botswana was South Africa. I do know the difference! There is no direct flight from Botswana. Always a stop in JohannesBERG".
Let's hope she gets the right country (and spelling) when it comes to writing out those charitable cheques.