Saffas can sleep easier than Brits

It's difficult not to get carried away by headlines today that the UK is more violent than South Africa. On the one hand it is easy to become filled with smug satisfaction that the milk is turning sour and the honey has dried up in the Promised Land - especially for those saffagettes who have to suffa the insuffarable whingers.

On the other hand, South Africa's crime statistics are still very high - although there have been news reports about government putting measures in place to fight it. This week, deputy police minister Fikile Mbalula prolifigated Operation Wanya Tsotsi - which a News24 language expert translates to "You will shit, criminal!". According to an article in today's The Times, the UK registered 2034 incidents per 100,000 compared with South Africa’s 1609.

Let's not fool ourselves. 1609 per 100,000 is still a shocking statistic. But at least it's not 2034.

• Picture sourced from the Sowetan.
  

Is this our new flying squad?

The Sowetan newspaper has to be commended for a hilarious front page today. Without further ado, I give those who didn't see it, the top half of today's front page.

"When push comes to shove, metro cops are just as keen as anyone to get back to work - no matter what... Yesterday Johannesburg Metro Police went on a sympathy strike in support of their colleagues who were attending a disciplinary hearing. But when these officers returned to their vehicle it wouldn’t start. In true sexist fashion the one female member of the crew barked orders to get the show back on the road."

This just seems to substantiate the Jim Carrey saying that behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

We are marching to a R50 000 fine

Tshwane versus Pretoria. The name-change debate continues. The latest chapter in this little saga played out before the Broadcasting Complaints Commission, who ruled that the South African Broadcasting Commission was wrong to refer to Pretoria as Tshwane and threatened the broadcaster with a R50 000 fine if they did it again. Now while we can all respect AfriForum being a stickler for facts, quite frankly, the SABC was damned if it did and damned if it didn't. If it had changed all the Tshwanes to Pretorias it probably would have had Motormouth Malema on their backs threatening them with militant action. On the other hand, the ruling has left the rest of us even more confused than before. Should we change the lyrics of a famous South African song to "We are marching to Tshwane"? Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Reading between the lines

While so many people take reading for granted, the digital divide in South Africa still remains a major obstacle to access to information.

However, this week the GaRankuwa community received a major boost with the opening of an R8-million community library. Membership will be free and the library will stock the latest newspapers and magazines and access to the internet.

But the icing on the cake was an inspirational speech by Didintle Sello, a grade 12 pupil at the local Modiri Secondary School at the library's opening.

She said many people had paid with their lives for the freedom “misused” by young people today.

“Our peers engage in immoral activities in the name of a freedom which was bought with blood and immense suffering. This library will mean nothing if it stands empty while we ravage ourselves with drugs.

“Let this library be a light on our path to success. This library should be an arsenal of weapons for success, not just another structure in our neighbourhood.”

Our current youth leaders should take note of the insight of this young leader. Firstly, she reads. Secondly, her militant threats relate to using the book as a weapon. Thirdly, her intelligence suggests that she won't be used as a puppet any time soon.

Who're you calling racist?

One of the funniest things of the Confed Cup had to have been when Bafana Bafana player Matthew Booth had to tell reporters that he was not being jeered by the crowd that chanted "Boooooth" every time he touched the ball.

"It's been a bit embarrassing because a lot of the foreign journalists have thought that it's racist abuse," Booth said.

Hmm, what exactly should the local fans think about this? It's not that difficult to figure out what the crowd was shouting. Yet "racist abuse" was the first thing that popped into people's minds.

And us Saffas are supposed to be the ones with problems??

There's no place like home

Saffalicious Saffas are heading home — and those on the verge of emigrating are putting their plans on hold. This is according to this week's Sunday Times, which cited blue skies and sunshine as the main drawcards for people returning, while the recession has made many would-be emigrés realise there is no place like home — at least for now.

“What I’ve realised is that the best things that South Africans import are South Africans themselves... the people here have a very good work ethic and are reliable,” said an expat who, after seven years of working in the UK, will return to Jozi permanently this year. After a holiday in Mzansi last week, he realised how much he’d missed the “incredible” attitudes and values and the “brilliant” weather. He felt “a strong sense of belonging” which inspired him to return.

After 22 years in Los Angeles another expat, who returned home last month, said he had felt “incomplete” being away from his country. “I felt a spiritual connection to SA, the people, the food, the progressiveness of the society, the constitution.” True Saffagettes indeed.

• The emigration survey quoted by the paper revealed that climate tops the list of reasons to return; crime and corruption tops the list of reasons to leave;just over half of South Africans say they’ll never leave; only 18% are keen to go; and half those leaving say they’ll probably return.

See how saffalicious our crap is

So, our old crap has ended up in the US First Home. According to today's Sunday Times, a pair of chandeliers made from discarded bottle caps, glass beads and recycled plastic trinkets by a small group of artists from the Klein Karoo town of Barrydale are hanging in the White House. This gives new meaning to the idiom “One man's trash is another man's treasure”. The chandeliers' creator was quoted as saying that “it's quite funny that we're turning trash into art and selling it to America”. Strange, that. Because we've been doing it for years. Apparently there are 50 000* whingers living there now.
* This was a bit of a Wikipedia thumb-suck and does not mean to include those South African Americans who continue to fly our flag high across the Atlantic.