Elections came and went almost three months ago, and yet the remnants remained in the form of the ever-present black spot on the left thumbnail of voters across the country. While the blotches were initially the cool mark to have, indicating patriotism, they started to get stale when, try as we might, nothing - not even that South African wonder cleaner Jik - could rid us of the blemishes. People avoided giving thumbs-ups. The sales of really dark nail polish and gloves soared. Visitors to the country must have been surprised at the number of mechanics roaming the streets. However, this week a rather unappreciated Liverpudlian came to the rescue of a damsel in distress. William Emery, the inventor of the emery board, is today being heralded for his contribution to the Out Damned Spot campaign, as started by Lady Macbeth in the 1600s. Who would have thought that months of distress could have ended so easily, with an easy to-and-fro motion. Come next election, there will be a revival of the Out Damned Spot campaign, and the handing out of little emery boards - on proof of voting, of course.
June 23, 2009
Out Damned Spot!
Elections came and went almost three months ago, and yet the remnants remained in the form of the ever-present black spot on the left thumbnail of voters across the country. While the blotches were initially the cool mark to have, indicating patriotism, they started to get stale when, try as we might, nothing - not even that South African wonder cleaner Jik - could rid us of the blemishes. People avoided giving thumbs-ups. The sales of really dark nail polish and gloves soared. Visitors to the country must have been surprised at the number of mechanics roaming the streets. However, this week a rather unappreciated Liverpudlian came to the rescue of a damsel in distress. William Emery, the inventor of the emery board, is today being heralded for his contribution to the Out Damned Spot campaign, as started by Lady Macbeth in the 1600s. Who would have thought that months of distress could have ended so easily, with an easy to-and-fro motion. Come next election, there will be a revival of the Out Damned Spot campaign, and the handing out of little emery boards - on proof of voting, of course.
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Hahaha, my beautician (hahahah, yes, I have one) struggled with mine. The thing is tough.
ReplyDeleteNext time, I'm goin to put on nail polish before I make my cross.
Ja, the mark was quite irritating.
ReplyDeleteI love the fact that we're all only too willing to have the mark again. We're Saffagettes! Not Suffagettes!
ReplyDeleteMine was gone within days. Seriously. And I wasn't even wearing nailpolish. I think it has to do with the secretion of natural oils -- and how liberally the ink is applied. In parts of the country, women with nailpolish and falsies on were turned away from voting stations. Last year I resorted to the good old emery board, just to see if it would work. The mark didn't really bother me in the least.
ReplyDeleteewwwwwwwww, Carol that just sounds nasty bru..the secretion of natural oil....ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
ReplyDeleteJa Carol that natural oil comment's just too much information for public consumption. Sort of like naval fluff...
ReplyDeleteI have a quick and easy solution to this problem. In some conflict countries in Africa and teh Middle East, a simple chop of the hand / arm can serve as a gruesome signature of a mob or as punishment for crimes like shoplifting. Why not amputate the finger? (No, I don't know what you'd use after 40 years of voting)
ReplyDeleteThe only problem with your obviously very well thought-out suggestion is that you are implying that voting is a crime. Now my dear Mr Eliseev, that goes against everything that this blog stands for. For your terrible stance on this issue I recommend a simple chop.
ReplyDeleteyou are hilarious Alex
ReplyDeleteOkay. I call for a review of the chop rule. Let's make "not voting" (or painting a black dot on your finger with an Artline so you can claim free Wimpy coffee) a crime, punishable by the chop. That way, there'll be less zap signs on our roads. Think about it... the benefits would be infinite...
ReplyDelete